Why I Won’t Let God Really See Into Every Corner of My Heart

Psalm 26:2-3 (NLT) – “…Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart. For I am always aware of your unfailing love, and I have lived according to your truth…

Put me on trial…cross-examine me…test my motives & my heart

I have always been afraid to pray this. Psalm 139 scares me to death. And I think it all boils down to a wrong view of who God is. I am fearful of God (as in “frightened”, “scared”, “petrified”) because I know he is holy. He cannot tolerate sin. I am fearful of God because I know myself. I tuck sin away in the dark recesses of my heart refusing to let go of it – keeping it for a day when I can pull it out and play with it and wallow in it. So to invite God into my inner chambers of my heart, and give him full reign to examine, try and test me? Uh….no!! Why? Because surely he will crush me! Surely he would be greatly disappointed in me. Surely he would set me aside and never use me again. He would be disgusted with me.

For I am always aware of your unfailing love

I am beginning to realize that it is due to the lovingkindness (mercy) of God that I can let him into these dark corners. Because he doesn’t come in, clothed in mercy and love, armed with a sledgehammer as a demolition expert. Rather, he enters the chambers of my heart to examine me, try & test me, to expose the dirt, all the while humbly beginning to work on ridding me of it in my life. We see the Father in the Person of Jesus Christ. How did he interact with humble, repentant sinners? He dealt with those who humbly asked for his help in a loving, gracious way.

It is Satan that deceives me into believing that God carries the sledge seeking to pound me into submission. Yes, he is holy. And, no, he won’t tolerate sin. However, I am finding out that if I humbly ask for him to show me where I am wrong, he, in his mercy, will, through his Spirit, continue the process of sanctification in my life.

Chance to Chat:

Why do you think we have skewed views of who God is?

Have you ever felt similar to how I’ve posted here? How have you dealt with those feelings?


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