I never know what I’ll feel like in the morning. Never. I’m not talking about the pain, stiffness or muscle soreness that accompanies a good workout or that follows a difficult chore. I’m talking about going to bed feeling good and waking up with odd pain, sharp pain, joint pain, soft tissue pain, weird pain – sometimes just one of these, some days a sadistic cocktail of all of these.
Today was a weird day.
I woke up at 4:45a, just before my 5a alarm, to get up and do my exercises designed to strengthen my core and stretch tightened muscles. My back hurt – but it always hurts. My shoulder was sore, but that is becoming fairly common. Today the arches of my feet hurt with such stabbing pain, that I could barely walk out of the bedroom. I hobbled to the thermostat, turned up the temp (we sleep at 58* at our home), and stiffly walked to the living-room. I cranked on the gas fireplace, fell into the couch and grabbed a blanket.
No exercises this morning.
It sucks. Some days I will awaken and feel like I don’t have anything wrong with my body. Perhaps a couple stiff joints or two, but nothing that I would complain about. And then there’s days when I feel that I’ve been run over by a semi-truck. It hurts to get dressed. Pants rubbing my left leg suffering from neuropathy drives me mad. A slap on the back, a firm handshake, or anything similar can cause my body to burn in pain.
And I don’t get to quit on my responsibilities, my family, my job…my life. No matter how badly I feel, kids still need rides to school, work still needs to get done, family matters need attended to, and life goes on.
I have medication,but I have to have my wife manage my pills due to my addiction of pain-killers. I thought I had a handle on it, but next thing you know I’m seeking just an hour or two of pain-free living, just a moment, anything – just give me a break! Those couple of pills turned to a few, which turned to a quick recognition that I was going no where good and headed there fast.
It’s true: Chronic Pain is hell.
But then there’s good days.
Maybe tomorrow will be one of those.