Because I can’t understand it myself. Here’s a glimpse inside a journal I keep from a month ago:
When I awoke at my alarm ringing this am, I was intrigued to find my left arm had no feeling: good, bad, indifferent. When showering I noticed some popping and sensitivity at the shoulder and very slight pain in the arm. What to make of it?
This is what concerns me: the ebb and flow of pain. I don’t understand it. If it hurt all the time I would think something is wrong, but these days give me fragile hope that it fixed itself. Ha
Sometimes on days like today I wonder if I’m healed. But then I feel a twinge of pain and my faith erodes.
That’s just how the struggle goes.